[Mental health] Self-Coaching: Are you your bestfriend?

I found myself so often in situations where I was not at all happy with where I was – either from a personal or professional point of view. I also noticed that I was beating myself up for mistakes that I couldn’t even prevent, or for losing my temper in a high-stake situation.

In the busyness of our daily routines, we often neglect to take a moment to connect with the most important person in our lives: ourselves. Self-coaching is a valuable tool that not only helps us handle life’s challenges but also nurtures a deep and meaningful relationship with ourselves. Here’s how you can begin this transformative journey.

What is Self-Coaching?

Self-coaching involves guiding yourself through life’s ups and downs by accessing your inner wisdom and strength. It’s about becoming your own mentor, setting goals, and holding yourself accountable. Think of it as having a personal coach who knows you better than anyone else – because it’s you!

The Benefits of Self-Coaching

Self-Awareness: Self-coaching promotes introspection, allowing you to understand your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. This increased self-awareness is the first step towards personal growth.

Resilience: By regularly reflecting on your experiences and learning from them, you build resilience. You become better prepared to handle setbacks and recover stronger.

Empowerment: Self-coaching empowers you to take control of your life. You set your own goals and develop actionable plans to achieve them, fostering a sense of accomplishment and confidence.

Steps to Effective Self-Coaching

Assess Your Current Situation: Begin by evaluating where you are in life. What are your strengths and weaknesses? What areas do you want to improve? This self-assessment forms the foundation for your coaching journey.

I like to do such an assessment from time to time when I find myself overwhelmed. I tend to say YES to way too many projects and ideas, and then cannot manage them, stress myself and disappoint the ones around me. So I look at what I have on my plate and try to understand what I should keep, what I should maybe postpone or decline.

Set Clear Goals: Define what you want to achieve. Your goals should be specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART). Clear goals provide direction and purpose.

When I decided to improve my physical health, I started really small, with the goal of only doing a few warm-up exercises every day. What I discovered is that – once I started doing the exercises – I kept doing beyond the warm-up part. Getting started is the hardest part. Then I set a SMART goal of doing my program only three times a week for 30 minutes each session for the next three months. This specific goal gave me a clear direction and a timeline to work towards.

Develop a Plan: Create a step-by-step plan to reach your goals. Break down your objectives into manageable tasks and set deadlines for each. This makes your goals more attainable.

When I wanted to learn a new language, I broke it down into smaller tasks: “I will spend 15 minutes each day on a language learning app, attend a weekly language class, and practice speaking with a language partner once a week.” This plan made the larger goal more manageable and achievable.

Monitor Your Progress: Regularly review your progress. Celebrate your successes and learn from your setbacks. Adjust your plan as needed to stay on course.

At the end of each month for my learning of a new foreign language, I reviewed my progress, and celebrated with a small reward. I also analyze what went wrong and adjust my plan accordingly.

 

Befriending Yourself

Building a friendship with yourself is similar to nurturing any other relationship. It requires time, effort, and a commitment to being kind and understanding.

Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend. Acknowledge your mistakes without harsh judgment and support yourself through difficult times.

When I accidentally said something that I did mean to say, I used to be really upset with me. But instead of beating myself up, I’ve started to acknowledge the mistake, learn from it, and remind myself that everyone makes mistakes. Then I actually went back to the person and apologized, explaining my perspective. It not only make me feel better, but it also helped fix the relation. And then I was free to focus on how I could prevent it from happening again rather than dwelling on the error.

Spend Quality Time Alone: Enjoy your own company. Engage in activities that you love and that bring you joy. This helps you connect with your inner self and fosters a sense of contentment.

I like to take time to actually read a book that I have on my list. It’s like a date, as I also indulge myself with some cookies or great coffee. This dedicated time helps me reconnect with myself and enjoy my own company.

Listen to Yourself: Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings. Journaling can be an effective way to express and understand your inner world. This practice helps you stay attuned to your needs and desires.

When I feel myself anxious, I started to write down on a piece of paper whatever keeps me awake. This helps me understand the root cause of my anxiety, and find ways to overcome the moment.

Celebrate Your Achievements: Recognize and celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small. This boosts your self-esteem and reinforces a positive self-image.

When I have completed a challenging project at work, I usually take a bit of time to pat myself on the back and even treat myself and/or project team. Celebrating your achievements reinforces a positive self-image and motivates you to keep going.

 

Self-coaching and befriending yourself are interconnected practices that lead to a more fulfilling and balanced life. By becoming your own coach and best friend, you unlock the potential to face life’s challenges with grace and confidence. Start today, and embark on the journey to becoming the best version of yourself.